..Admittedly, my dreams about gazing at hard penises and shirtless menwould get me really turned on, but I didn't know what to do about it.These dreams just made me feel different, and I was plenty tired of that.(Suddenly I remembered how I felt at summer camp, how I was 11 in just myswim trunks and that camp counselor guy just kept staring at me and mybody. He made me blush and feel really awkward, so I must have liked theattention. But of course I just tried to stay away from him that week!)As Jenn pulled into the Macy's parking lot, I was sweating and worriedabout getting naked in front of a woman in that beautiful but terrifyingdepartment of women's intimates.Thankfully Ms. Jennifer knew a woman there named Jane who was super niceand took me into a changing room and spoke to me about the essentials Iwould need to look my like my Best Beth.Jane took all sorts of measurements and begin taking about what kind ofcorset or slimmer I was going to have to wear to get a better. Millie and I are thinking about you. Be safe and keep in touch." We said our goodbyes, and I hung up.With the girls out of the suite I had time to look out the window and think.Tammy and her girls were a wonderful interlude in an otherwise very lonely time in my life. We'd been having a great time together, and I was determined to see to it they all had a fabulous vacation.That said there was no doubt that Tammy was looking at going on without me in their lives. After I thought about it, I knew it was the right thing. Once a woman decides that a guy is the first runner up, he will always be little more than a stop along the way to her.Rebecca and Colleen discovered they didn't want me and went away. Judith went away when she discovered I wasn't what she thought she wanted. It stung to admit to being the reason for the pattern, but given my health challenges, it wasn't a bad thing, just painful.I knew if I kept that up I would find myself depressed, so I hopped out of the easy chair.
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